cursed life

It is a curse to not be friends with your parents. They came to visit me yet I was basically mean to them. No not always, but I wished that I love them enough to be close , to share things and talk like friends would , but in the end the burden of years of neglect and indifference made them like familiar strangers. Cursed life. will I miss them if they passed on? I am afraid of that question. I can’t really answer that. what happened to a family, what makes a family close and what made them the worst people to share a space? we get along as a family, except we are poor communicators, really poor. There are 5 of us so I have varying degrees of chumminess with each of my siblings.

Great. now that I have my space back after 3 weeks, but I feel empty. I miss their company. A friend in Viet Nam asked why I am not married. I replied that I did not want to argue and fight. she does not see it that way, she said life would be boring if you did not have a person to argue and fight with. Pessimism vs. optimism. Her comment changed me.

There is an older man making his way much too slowly up a hill. He shuffles instead of walking, frail and wobbly. He lost his younger self when he gave up his real teeth for some badly fitted dentures. He nearly died from it. I do not like this old man. I get impatient with him, because I do not want to see him as a helpless person, the man that I will become.

He has been asleep for many years, living inside sad memories somewhere in his head. A smile comes rarely from his face, but I did see it while he was here. Wake the fuck up Dad!!! The world is a beautiful place and you are only 80 years old… a 90 year old nun still runs the Ironman every year. I blame it on the sedentary life where he lives, in a suburb in Houston, “yeehaw” Texas. Where a person chose to live and raised his family will determine the quality of life for his children and their children’s children. A father and mother make decisions that affect generations to come. If they do not know how to love or to communicate then their children will be cursed with the inability, the handicap of affections and worse yet, they may lack the skill to deal with emotions, or lack the ability to cry or mourn a lost.

Teach your family to express, communicate and hug each others. Forget the whales and the owls for a moment, save your family.

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