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visitors

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My second set of visitors left to the beach for the day. I have my space and tranquility once again. Only now I feel strangely more at peace then if I was here living day to day alone. They have a daughter at three and a boy at every bit 14 months. Our worlds resolve around his naps and moods. Most days started before the birds raise up the sun. The boy wakes first then the rest of the adults. Every morning the domestic orchestra started its tuning. Discorded sounds of food preparation, tea kettle whistling, the boy wants his mom, time outs, dad running water in the sink, the cell phone rang, shower, and thumping of little feet swirl to a suspended crescendo. Then everyone dashed out to the car to be swished to the beach. My world is mine once again. Absent from a little young family storm, my tranquility is more precious. I realize what I want more than my peace and tranquility is the heighten sensation I get from deprivation of the thing I cherished. Having my sanctuary is great, safe, but I am only satisfied and fulfilled to have the experience again after doing without. It is so human nature, so what does this say about all the things we cherished like our freedom and peace? Could it be true that we have and need to give up those things in order to build up a miss and a longing for them?

I am perfectly safe in my world, but that world sometimes lacks emotions. Being angry, feeling loved, or useful, or happy are not normal for me, all are fleeting. What I feel is a mild stage of satisfactory with some emotions thrown in occasionally, sunny with intermittent shower and clouds. I happen to like rain. I deal with sadness or emotions involving another person, a girl friend, almost as poorly as speaking a foreign language. I am an even-keeled person only because I am not comfortable with all other emotions except being slightly content, but having this knowledge does not make me more awake. I want to feel the next emotion.

Are having the same feelings and doing the same thing over and over again basically similar to being numb and doing nothing at all?

We are born with all the ranges of emotions, why are we not expert of our emotions? Let me introduce you to Ben Harris he is a professional loneliness, practicing in the lost art of not having a single friend that he could converse with. Or here is my girlfriend Toni she has a degree in happiness. Could an emotionally over endowed person function in a society where everyone else is even keeled? I think there is a word for someone like that, a “nut job” if referring to an adult. Emotionally strong adults get little pills to go with their meals.

My friend’s son is an expert in emotions, happy then sad within minutes. He gets time out right after an onset of wailing to regroup. It seems to work because he quickly forgets why he was crying. His Dad commented that a 14months old has such control over all in the same house hold. He ruled with his emotions, but by having that little guy under my roof makes me appreciate that moment I have for myself again.

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One comment on “visitors

  1. Wow, You covered a lot with this one. My first thought on why you are so “even keeled” is all the fish oil you ate in adolescence. (Just kidding.) Seriously now,I’d say it is because you are the “ultimate adapter”. It may be what you do best. You have been turning difficult and challenging situations into bearable,comfortable circumstances for most of your life. And even more than that, you have the knowledge that all storms pass and success for you is just through the next unexplored cloud. But,of course, you also know that a new cloud is coming after that. What the hell am I talking about.. I’m no psychologist. (I think I got a B in PSYCH 1 and 2)So let me say that this entry reminded me of your very busy kitchen in 1977. The smell of your Aunts french cookies, the sounds of your family speaking and laughing and arguing in a language I could not begin to understand but loved to try to….One thing that was obvious to understand was the love shared between you and your family. Hai,you have so much to be proud of that you haven’t left much room for many other emotions.
    KT

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