I missed the last south bound bus. Just one more thing she wanted me to do. I wanted to scream at her to let me go, let me leave. But I am afraid, I am afraid of everything. She came to me at the last minute because she knows that I have no life outside of these four walls. Why would I stay at my desk on a Friday night? I did not want to go home to face the dingy walls of an empty apartment that smelled like second hand smoke. I am scared to face myself at home, a loner having a one way conversation about how someday when I win a lottery everything will change. Being alone and time to myself I have plenty of and I am just ready to trade it all for a black and white television , some bad sitcoms and car commercials only if I can get receptions.
On my third time around a dark city block, buying time, waiting for a miracle. Maybe a dark skin girl will stop to offer me a ride and somehow she knows from the way I shuffle down the street that I am waiting for my chance at saving the world with her in it. Aren’t we all miracles? I have all the time to think and dream, because that all I have. My thinking will only get me back to my thoughts where I left off soon after I forget what I am to do. I have to get home. No, I do not want to go home. My apartment stinks. No, I will walk. Walking is good it will give me time to… no I do not want to think. I want a miracle.
Cars passed, boys yelling. An empty can hit me squarely in the back of my head. I hope you fuckers go out in a flaming wreck, and if I come upon your wreck. I will personally pull you out of that burning vehicle and stomp on your faces then I will pee in your mouths as you gasp for air. I imagined many other more violent ends to wish upon those sons of bitches who yelled out their car windows. Yelling at people to scare the shit out of them how is that fun?
I shuffle onward staring at my feet. A car pulls up quietly besides me. I jump and cover my head. How long has it been following me? An older woman looks up, smiles and asks if I needed help. She saw the can bounced of my head and double back to see if I was alright. I waved her on.
“Leave me alone lady.”
Now, I know there are coincidences and then there are coincidences. She is older but she does have darker skin. It was her smile. A slight crook of a very happy person’s smile , half hidden as if she is ashamed of a smile that is not perfect. I like her.
I get in beside her and apologize for my foul mood and mention that she is already making my evening better. She warns me about the dangers especially in these parts. She smells nice. I am suddenly conscious of how I present myself.
“It is dangerous to pick up a stranger.” I said.
I blurt out “how do you…?”
A thought tells me I am not a stranger to her surprises me. Now I am scared.
“You are a loner with time to think and talk to yourself. I know I am one too.” She assures me.
“Maybe we have met each other already in another time” she adds. I look to see where the door latch is in case I have to cut our conversation short by way of diving for the pavement.
She senses my discomfort and smiles. Everything is fine. I am all good now. I like her smile.
“I know who you are and I am here to help you. Who I am is not important as long as you get your wishes.”
If I can imagine it then I can do it, she is probably lonely and needs some company. I can do her.
“So you stalked me.” I smile wide, proud of myself and looking forward to our evening together.
“You can believe that. You are not so bad looking. You just have to work on your mood and attitude.”
“Oh yeah thanks mom…” Strange, she looks younger now and a little hurt.
“You are not attracted to me?”
“Now I am.”
The city came into view spreading out before us as we round a turn.
“I am Dillon.”
Her hand is soft. She gives my hand a firm squeeze and holds on to it a little longer. Yes, it is definitely on, I thought. I am getting a more excited.
“Dillon, if you are granted a wish what would you wished for?”
“I would wish for more wishes.” I am no fool. Aladdin was stupid not to ask for more wishes.
“Somehow, I know you were going to say that” she smiled brightly, getting even younger by the minute. Her skin is silky and smooth.
“What would you give me for those wishes?” she asked.
She must try to build me up for something. Who does she think she is?
“You can have my crummy job and apartment.” I said, feeling smug and witty.
“Those seem hardly worth while, unless you want me to be just as miserable as you are.”
“What? You want my soul?” I laughed out loud, coughing, catching my breath.
She laughs for the first time, a clear girl like laughter. I am turned on now. I may have to jump her while she is driving.
She stares straight ahead, smiling slightly.
“Do you have a soul?”
“I do not believe in a soul. I have awareness. No Christian soul for damn sure. Even if I have one, it is probably isn’t worth much. Look at the way I look, look at my life, look at my … Do you want to see my apartment?”
“Slow down cowboy, I am no school girl”
I swear she looks in her twenties now, only her eyes are wiser.
“I would give my soul to save the world. Seriously, I thought about it a great deal. If I meet the Devil, I would suggest that straight off to him. ”
Bella turns, looks straight in my eyes and smiles that crooked smile of hers. Her smile says I am her hero. Her eyes are soft and adoring.
“You are right. Your soul is not worth it to me.”